Alright, let's get one thing straight right off the bat: another pizza chain is "encroaching on Domino's limelight?" Give me a break. We're talking about Domino's, people. The undisputed king of the cardboard-flavored pizza empire.
The "Threat" From California
So, Pizza Guys – Pizza Guys – just opened their 100th store, and suddenly Domino's is shaking in its boots? Please. Watch Out, Domino's: This California-Born Pizza Chain Is Growing Fast They're expanding into Texas, which, last I checked, is bigger than California. A state with a population that probably eats more steak than pizza on any given day. Good luck with that.
Yelp's 2025 Top 25 Pizza Chains in America? Who cares? Yelp is where people go to complain about the temperature of their coffee, not to find culinary masterpieces. I trust Yelp about as much as I trust politicians to tell the truth. Which is to say, not at all.
And "$1.2 million average unit volume?" Okay, that sounds impressive, I guess. But let's be real: Domino's probably makes that much in toppings alone. Probably. I don't know their actual numbers offcourse, but I'm willing to bet it's in that ballpark.
Meanwhile, Back East...
While Pizza Guys is busy trying to conquer Texas, apparently Maryland is having a pizza renaissance. Five Maryland Pizzerias Make “Best Pizza Places in D.C.” List Five pizzerias in Montgomery County made some "Best Pizza Places in D.C." list? Is this even news? D.C. pizza? I mean, come on.
Inferno Pizzeria Napoletana with its "delicate, blistered crusts"... Sounds pretentious. M&N's Pizza serving up Korean BBQ and Thai Chicken Curry pies? That sounds like a culinary crime against nature. And Red Hound Pizza with its "farm-to-table approach?" I'm pretty sure tomatoes still come from farms, even at Domino's.
All-Purpose concept? Andy's Pizza expanding? Who cares? Are we really supposed to get excited about another New York-style pizza joint? I mean, are they even trying anymore?
I'm sorry, but this whole "pizza scene" feels like a bunch of overhyped garbage.
The Real Problem
The truth is, none of this matters. We're talking about pizza. It's a commodity. It's fuel. It's what you eat when you're too lazy to cook and too broke to order anything else.
This whole thing reminds me of when everyone was panicking about "the metaverse." Remember that? All the tech bros were convinced we'd all be living in some virtual reality world by now. And where is it? Exactly.
Maybe Pizza Guys will take over the world. Maybe they'll become the next Domino's. Maybe pigs will fly. Who knows? I sure don't.
